Amy J. L. Baker, Ph.D

Researcher and author of

Adult Children of Parental Alienation Syndrome:

Breaking the Ties that Bind

W.W. Norton, April 2007

PART I: UNDERSTANDING PARENTAL ALIENATION SYNDROME

Introduction

The introduction provides an overview of PAS and presents several vignettes to provide the reader with a first-hand glimpse into the felt experience of parental alienation syndrome. This chapter also describes the study and presents basic information about the 40 interview participants. This chapter concludes with an overview of the major findings and an outline of the book.

Chapter 1: Patterns of Parental Alienation

Each of the people interviewed had his or her own individual voice and unique tale to tell. However, even among these disparate experiences, patterns could be detected. Through a careful analysis of the case histories, three distinct familial patterns of parental alienation were revealed: (1) narcissistic mothers alienating children from the fathers in divorced families, (2) narcissistic mothers alienating children from fathers in intact families, and (3) abusive/rejecting parents alienating children from the other parent in intact and divorced families. These patterns are described in detail with an emphasis on the personality disorders that underlie the alienation.

Chapter 2: The Cult of Parenthood

How do the alienating parents do it? How do they turn children against their own parents? One answer comes from the literature on cults. According to West and Langone (1986) a cult (1) is a hierarchical social group in which there is a leader who requires excessive devotion, (2) uses emotional manipulation and persuasion techniques to heighten dependency on him or her, and (3) furthers the aims of the leader at the expense of its members. This definition provides a basis for comparing cults to the characteristics of families in which parental alienation occurred.

Chapter 3: Strategies of Parental Alienation and Attachment Theory

The adult children recalled over 30 different strategies used by the alienating parents to induce PAS. The 12 strategies recalled by at least 20% of the sample are presented in this chapter. The lens through which these strategies are examined is attachment theory as developed by Bowlby (1969). That is, the strategies are viewed as effective tools for interfering with the developing or existing attachment relationship between the participant (as a child) and the targeted parent.

Chapter 4: PAS is Emotional Abuse of Children

One way to understand parent alienation is as a form of emotional abuse. This idea, proposed by both Gardner (1998) and by Rand (1997), resonated with the study participants. Hamarman and Bernet's (2000) definition of emotional abuse, based on the earlier work of Garbarino, Guttmann, and Seeley (1986) includes 7 components. This definition provides a useful framework for understanding the experiences of the adult children of PAS. Each of these components is described, accompanied by examples from the study participants.

PART II: BREAKING THE TIES THAT BIND

Chapter 5: Rethinking the Past: The Process of Realization, I

Little information is available about whether and how individuals leave the "cult of parenthood" and come to terms with their childhood. At the time of the interview, all of the participants had realized that they had been alienated from one parent by the other. Length of time alienated ranged from 7 to 47 years, with an average of about 20 years. The defense mechanisms that underlie PAS are discussed and the first 5 catalysts for the realization are presented along with in-depth case studies that describe the ways in which the realization process unfolded.

Chapter 6: Rethinking the Past: The Process of Realization, II

The final 6 catalysts are described along with some additional issues and concerns related to the realization process.

Chapter 7: The Long-Term Impact of Parental Alienation Syndrome

The majority of study participants experienced depression, divorce, and drug problems as young adults. They had problems trusting people and believing in themselves. An additional theme that emerged was the intergenerational transmission of parental alienation: Several of the participants were alienated from their own children. These outcomes are discussed in order to provide the first glimpse into the lives of adult children of parental alienation.

Chapter 8: The Role of the Targeted Parent

One question that many parents currently targeted for parental alienation ask is what more could they do to facilitate the realization process in their children. This chapter presents the answers to that question from the perspective of the adult children. What did they remember the targeted parent doing that maintained the relationship and what else did they believe the targeted should have done? Vignettes are provided from each of the three parental alienation patterns and major themes are discussed.

PART III: CLINICAL CONSIDERATIONS

Chapter 9: Working with Adult Children of Parental Alienation Syndrome

This chapter explores the key issues for the "adult children" and serves as a guide for clinicians working with this population. The first task is to determine whether PAS was experienced by the client. Once that determination has been made, the therapist and client should consider the presence of additional factors associated with PAS that may be relevant for treatment including other forms of abuse, parental alcoholism, and parental personality disorder. Tasks in treatment include forgiving oneself for playing a role in the PAS, considering when and how to reunite with the targeted parent, and deciding whether and how to confront the alienating parent. The client can also explore reuniting with the parts of the self that were cut off in order to please the alienating parent.

Chapter 10: Working with Alienated Children

Clawar and Rivlin (1991) offer 19 signs that a child has been programmed against a parent. These are described in this chapter along with examples from the study participants. Once it has been determined that PAS has occurred, the therapist's role changes from assessment to intervention. If the therapist is working within the legal system, then the necessary recommendations can be made to the court. If the therapist is working outside the legal system, the task becomes helping the child who has been programmed against the targeted parent to develop an autonomous and realistic relationship of that parent. The suggestions offered in this chapter are not a blueprint for therapy. Rather, they represent issues and ideas that the therapist should bear in mind over the course of the ongoing work with an alienated child, issues that can be integrated into individual sessions, regardless of the orientation or the goals of the therapeutic work.

Chapter 11: Working with Targeted Parents

Mental health professionals working with targeted parents have many opportunities to provide education and support to individuals experiencing a tremendously painful time in their lives. The loss of a child (be it complete or partial, physical or emotional) is nothing short of devastating. Parents targeted for parental alienation may feel helpless and overwhelmed by the sudden change in their child and in the intensity of the alienation campaign waged against them. This chapter offers a series of suggestions for working with this population. In the absence of tested interventions, the suggestions are offered to ease the burden of the alienation and provide whatever insights can be gleaned as to how targeted parents can make the most of the time they do have with their child. This chapter is divided into four sections: (1) self work the client can do to better understand him/herself and the role of PAS in his/her life, (2) ideas for improving the relationship with the PAS child, (3) suggestions for how the client can cope with PAS, and (4) issues related to the therapist’s counter transference.

Chapter 12: Final Thoughts

This chapter discusses methodological limitations of the study and identifies directions for future research and treatment. Hannah's story is presented in order to give the adult children the "final word".